I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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