Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
