I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
