i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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