i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my liver is dry heaving
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
