I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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