Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
