dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize