that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
