Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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