i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
