No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
