meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
