god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
