My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
