i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
