we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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