My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
