I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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