i already hear my dad disowning me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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