Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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