I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize