YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
