also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
