She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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