I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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