you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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