it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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