I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
