This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
