ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
