So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
