At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
not ubering you a puppy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
