my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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