Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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