If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
