Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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