You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
