Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
