Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
