My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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