he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize