At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
