Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i believe in u and ur pee
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
