This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
