I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
