Are we in a gay sports bar?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
