also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
