just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
