Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
