So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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