You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
