I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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