she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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