Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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