Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize