Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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