Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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