i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
nutella sex= disaster
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
