im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
