just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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