Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
