Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
