Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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