So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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