Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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