I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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