i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
