I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
