I didn't shave. On purpose
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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