So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
