someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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