Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize